took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize