who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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