I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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