he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
