Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The air was thick with penises
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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