I bet he comes in French.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
