it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
