It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
