oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i think i have herpe
just one?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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