I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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