I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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