Don't you send me to vm
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
