Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
