Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
