Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
