Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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