You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
