I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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