oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
