then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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