I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
