I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
