I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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