I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
