drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she smelled like a LAN party
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
