So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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