I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
