can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
