Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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