Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we're so committed to being not committed
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize