i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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