Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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