I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
