I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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