yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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