isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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