she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm always down for nudity.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
