You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
