PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
