It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
