I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
