did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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