Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
