so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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