i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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