It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
