dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
