new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
