worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I currently don't understand fingers.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
