Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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