Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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