I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
