He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
