In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
