so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
