I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
