tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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