Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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