I love black thongs
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
