right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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