New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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