Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
