dude i'm inner monologue high
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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