I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
