dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
