Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
