Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
