thus making me awesome and them whores
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
