but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
