if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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