I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
