God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
