Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
