i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
