happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
