Pappa wants mamma naked
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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