Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
