Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
