Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
