dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize